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 American't Radio

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Band Member/Writer
Band Member/Writer

Posts : 9
Points : 9
Join date : 2009-04-16

PostSubject: American't Radio   Thu Apr 30, 2009 3:06 pm

Today radio is a spent force- at least to anyone with more teeth left than wrinkles accrued. Where commercial radio was once a promoting force and one of the most important trendsetters in the music industry, the discovery of new acts has become the domain of the internet, our future lies in the hands of blogland (god help us).
But are we really missing anything? Yes, probably. But to make you feel better, here's a history plotting the worst tendencies of the land of Howard Stern, a selection from the electromagnetic sewage system known as commercial radio.

Listen, I don't have all day to write this...

According to the research I conducted (thanks wikipedia), American radio was widespread in the 1930's and 40's, but it was still covered in that gross newborn jelly stuff and screaming at the top of it's lungs whilst soiling itself. That's not actually a fact or a metaphor either, unless it's meant to convey that I couldn't be bothered writing about the decades before the seventies. Did music even exist back then? Fuck it.

The 70s

country and western. country and western. The genre responsible for more metropolitan snobbery than the widespread mis-use of animal husbandry as a dating service. In the Sheewinging 70's, it simultaneously achieved it's universal popularity and it's utter barrel-scraping nadir. The sanitised ditch-water taken up by radio, called country pop, united the twig-armed city boys and their wife-beating compatriots to achieve utter humiliation on Top 40 radio. Artists Groups like the eagles drew on their exceedingly pig-eyeing Californian roots to deliver such gems of down-home wisdom as “Chug All Night” (which very probably involves a lay-off/ break-up/ run-away livestock and regurgitating moonshine). Anyway, this affected disease kept the airwaves stocked with fake Texan accents and banjo backed pandering until... oh shit- they still listen to this stuff? That explains so much.

What AOR should stand for

When US radio set out to net the ageing free-love ghetto of the late 70's, it set it's sights on burnt-out prog fans eschewing anything that didn't have a shoulder length guitar solo or gel with a bong session. This was Album Oriented Rock, and it wore its' pretensions on its' sleeve. Their Discophobic DJ's played neglected sides from any album involving ridiculous facial hair or bearing a cover depicting some hippy shit (E.G. the earth riding on the back of a naked chick made of constellations getting nailed by the devil while god watches with one hand shoved up his robe). In order to cling on to the airwaves into the 80s, new acts like Toto were given the oldie stamp of approval. Basically, it became a sort of humiliation by committee.

College Rock

Occasionally students are useful for something- Pixies, R.E.M. and Sonic Youth were all suckled at the 37% volume teat of frat. In the mid-1980s, students with nothing more social to do (e.g. Sex) miced up and acted as an incubator for that special breed of weirdos that would supplant all healthy influences in youth culture during the 90s. Of course, the number of residents on American campuses who could actually find their radios under the mounds of bongs, pizza boxes and beer bottles covering their rooms was probably minuscule. And yes, most of the bands they sponsored would find greater success in Europe, but they did pave the way for Nirvana (and all those other bands that pretended to be Nirvana) in America.

Also, I forget to mention it earlier, but students smell.

Christian Rock

If God had wanted us to listen to Christian Rock, we wouldn't have been born with critical facilities.
Singlehandedly responsible for the extinction of the MEGA-BALLAD in the late 80s, Christian rock bands today continue to flog the long dead, resurrected, dead again and decomposing corpse of AOR. Except with added sermonising! Basically, if you start hearing this on your car radio, you've accidentally gone too far south, according to every horror movie ever, you should pull a U turn and drive until you stop seeing hitch-hikers with chainsaws at the side of the road.
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Alejhander Caplan

Posts : 7
Points : 9
Join date : 2009-05-18

PostSubject: Re: American't Radio   Tue May 19, 2009 5:46 pm

all wrong, your poison is pruning you up like a raisin. be like a happy Christ: listen to this fine music with your ear open. "chug all night" is a masterpiece where i come from.
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